The Low
by inspire.me
Summary: When you’re drunk and overloaded on sugar and caffeine and the high is gone and you’re left with the low, is it a revelation or just an overreaction?


Don't own them. As if I would.

* * *

Jordan had tried to forget it, but she just could not let go of the memory of that night. She'd tried to forget the craziness, the blood, the low after the high. However, she'd keep on remembering. In addition, there was the small cut on her leg that may in fact never heal completely, but become a small scar, a flaw on her already imperfect skin. A forever reminder of that night.

* * *

She'd drank some champagne that night, not much but enough. Granted- she was tiny; it didn't take much to get her drunk.

Then she'd gone to the movies with some friends. Lots of caffeine and junk food.

Maybe it was a combination of the three that triggered it, or maybe it was something inside herself.

It was late and she was alone in her apartment, getting ready to go to sleep, although she was hardly tired. It was then that she had noticed the small scab on her leg. She wasn't totally sure how it had got there, though it didn't really matter as it was really only tiny- it couldn't have been more than 3mm wide.

She started to pick away at the scab, until she had picked it all off. She starred at it as the red emerged from her skin…

* * *

Now, as she looked at the small mark on her leg, she wondered if it was really _her_ that night. Tears filled her eyes. She didn't want to be that crazy girl, it wasn't the person she wanted to be.

* * *

She had been taking a creative writing course, it was something different, and she enjoyed it. And as she had watched the blood escape from the small wound, she began to think up a character… she'd have blazing red hair… a seductress… obsessed with blood.

She started to run her hand along the cut, looking at the crimson marks it left on her fingers… her wrists. She started to run her hair across the cut, all the while thinking of how her red haired seductress would do this in her story.

She looked at her hair, there was no blood. She looked at her leg and saw that the cut had stopped bleeding. Maddened, she scratched it until it started bleeding again, and she ran a small portion of her hair against it, smiling at the result.

Then she stopped and thought. Why was she putting all this into a character when it was herself that was doing this? Could it be that by putting her actions into a ficticious character, she was somehow taking the pressure off herself? But why would there be pressure on her? I mean, this was normal, right? She looked at her leg, her fingers, her wrists, her hari.

No, this was not normal.

She turned off the light and lay in her bed, sobbing into the pillow. She was crazy, it ran in her family, why shouldn't she be a nutcase? This revelation ate away at her, tearing her apart inside, until she had another revelation, and this one was worse.

What if she only wanted to be crazy? What if she was so desparate to be special, someone different, and not juust generic and… plain, that she would actually prefer to kid herself that she was crazy? What if she wanted the attention? What if all she wanted was just to be loved?

It always seemed like she was loving people who didn't love her in return. People always left her of pushed her away, Woody, both of her parents. She was getting nowhere by trying to open her heart, it always ended up getting torn apart, was there anything left inside her capable of loving? Even the love of a true friend would be enough, she was always feeling rejected, like people just put up with her.

What was worse, being crazy, or wanting to be crazy?

As her bed filled with the tears she cried, her tiredness caught up with her and she fell asleep.

The next morning she woke up to the sun shine and morning, feeling happy until her mind flashed back to the night before. She no longer felt safe in her own skin. Who could she turn to? She thought about talking to Lily, but she remembered the last time when she had confided in her. She'd told her about James and the car, and word ended up getting to Garret. Sure, Lily had meant well, but that whole incident had ruined there friendship for a while. Now that the gap between them had finally been mended, Jordan cherished that bond, though it wasn't really much, it was a happiness in her otherwise dull life. She didn't want to jeopardise that bond.

But desperate times called for desperate measures. And Jordan was desperate.

She'd seen Lily in the morgue…

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Ask away."

"When you're drunk and overloaded on sugar and caffeine and the high is gone and you're left with the low, is it a revelation or just an overreaction?"

Jordan left the question impersonal, as to not worry Lily.

"Does depend on the situation but if someone drinks to delay the truth then I would say a revelation."

This worried Jordan, was she really crazy?

"But what if you just drank because the champagne was really nice, and then you went out and ate lots of chocolate and diet coke?"

"Right, then it would just be and overreaction."

She still wasn't totally convinced.

"But if someone does something really crazy, then it has to come from somewhere inside themselves…"

"True."

There, her answer. She was just like her mother, but maybe that's what she wanted, she didn't know.

"Ok, I'm sorry I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you. Just forget it." And she turned and started to walk away. Thinking back, saying that was a surefire way to get Lily's attention… but maybe that's what she wanted.

It suddenly dawned on Lily who Jordan was talking about.

"I can't now. Who's the person?"

Jordan turned around, a small smile on her face. "Come on, it ain't that hard to spot the nutcase."

"Hmm… what was the revelation?"

"I had two. First I thought I was crazy. Then I thought maybe I just want to be crazy instead of just being generic." Tears were now forming in her eyes.

"Hey, I'm crazy! And it ain't a bad thing either."

Jordan knew Lily was trying to make her feel better, but it really wansn't working.

"Yeah, but you are a crazy genius, I'm just crazy!"

Lily laughed. "A genius? That's a new one! I got a B in algebra!"

Jordan sighed, Lily just wasn't getting any of this. By genius she didn't mean someone with an IQ of a thousand and three. What she meant was that Lily was excellent at what she did, she had a passion that nobody could take away from her, and she would never really know how much Jordan admired her for that.

"I'm sorry, like I said before, it really not fair for me to be dumping any of this on you. Sorry bout that. I've got to go, see ya." And she walked away.

"You can dump anything on me, because I _do _care. Ok, I'll see you later."

Little did Lily know that that small sentence practically made Jordan cry. It was one of the kindest things anyone had ever said to her, and she would keep it with her as long as she lived.

* * *

Things hadn't gotten better since then. The other day she had gone to some lecture, and the lecturer had started to talk about life in general. About how there is always someone that buggs you, and how each person has something to offer.

Jordan sat there thinking… she had nothing to offer anyone. Oh, and there was someone who bugged her. Jordan Cavanaugh. It was Jordan Cavanaugh that bugged her. She bugged her to death.

The lecturer just went on and on… and soon Jordan's mind had drifted to a darker path. She was thinking about killing herself.

It wasn't going to be long until she fell, and was there going to be anyone waiting to catch her?

Jordan didn't think so.


End file.
